Aping America - Do it the Right Way

When I met Manish (my friend Girish Kothari’s kid brother) when he last Nagpur our discussion focused on the way of family life in general in the USA. He happened to tell me that Prachi’s (his wife, occupational therapist) friends’ husbands were carpenters, plumber or the like doing insignificant jobs where they could find more time for home. This he told helped the wife to concentrate on her career whereas the husband worked part time and could take care of the children. This way the children could remain in touch with at least one parent when they were home.

When I compare this to the life in India it is totally different. In our system we are aping the American way of life in fashion, lifestyle, eating and so on and so forth. Still our mindset is that the husband should be more qualified than the wife and should earn more. A girl’s parents spend money for her education and bring up her at par with boys. But when the time comes for marriage the parents have to find a more qualified and earning boy and for that they have to spend a fortune and be submissive to the groom’s side.

After the marriage both the life partners continue to work to make a better career and earn more money. The wife needs to look after the home as well as the children. This adds to the pains of the wife.

Now see what Manish has to say about the Lifestyle of Americans living in USA

Finding a partner to settle down in USA is a challenge which is bigger than finding a job.

Seriously, since the concept of trial and error is so bad that one person cannot settle with one partner (most of the time) in today's day and age.

But those who are lucky to find the right one are blessed with good family values.

"Work ethic" is so strong that a career oriented woman can choose a man, who at the most would qualify as a skilled labor, and still be happy with their life. The notion of man only running the house or being more qualified than the woman is not there which is good since equality can be seen at practice here, not only preaching.

Career oriented women like high ranking officers in a bank, traveling sales executive, president of a company, doctor, therapist, shop owner, franchise owner, cleaning service provider etc etc look for husbands who are mature enough to understand that their lifestyle is going to be a little different. Kids though born by the woman would be raised primarily by the Dad since he is home more often than her.

It is OK since the kid needs the parental love - both parents cannot be available all the time, but if it is the Dad, then be it. The work gets divided where sometimes Dad does the grocery and cooks food while the Mom is trying to get the kids homework done. Dad may do the cleaning of the kitchen, while Mom gives bath to the kids and puts them to sleep. If Mom has to go on an urgent call (Doctor) or travel out of town, then Dad does all the above happily.

There are so many truck drivers we know that are happily married to high ranking professionals who do not mind driving for living and let their wives earn more money and take care of investment, buying house etc, while the husband is focusing on day-to-day chores.

We also know of mechanics/facility maintenance folks who are dirty with their greased hands and still cook dinner at home for kids and take them to the garden for a walk or play with them in the backyard since Mom is a therapist and is working late with patients who need urgent care.

Responsibility is a big thing and they share it very well to keep a well balanced life...